David - Part V

Forgiveness

We hear a lot of about forgiveness, and as Christians, we know plenty of scripture that has been woven into our very being. Some popular ones are listed below.

Romans 5:8 - But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Matthew 18:21-22 - Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

Personally, my favorite comes from the story of the prodigal son.

Luke 15:11-20 - Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.

“Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

“When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ So he got up and went to his father.

“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

Notice that the father’s forgiveness happens before the son’s confession.

And, of course, we have all been washed in “The Lord’s Prayer,” and the phrase

And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trespass against us.

We sometimes almost think romantically about forgiveness, and unfortunately, more often than not, forgiveness is misunderstood. This misunderstanding can lead to feelings of guilt and great pain. We hear people say things like “Why can’t you let it go? You have to forgive him and take him back.” The problem is that forgiving, forgetting and reconciliation are all different. So, before we go further, it might be helpful to set the record straight.

1. We are not God.
2. Forgiveness can take time.
3. Forgiveness DOES NOT involve condoning or approving what happened.
4. Forgiveness DOES NOT have to be contingent up someone confessing or admitting or apologizing for what they did. It might not happen.
5. Forgiveness DOES NOT eliminate the consequences or prevent justice.
6. Forgiveness DOES NOT imply forgetting what happened. There are times when you forget and move on, but sometimes you don’t. In fact, sometimes it is important to remember.
7. Forgiveness DOES NOT always lead to reconciliation.
8. Forgiveness DOES NOT always lead to renewed trust.
9. Forgiveness DOES NOT always lead to boundaries being removed.

So, then what is forgiveness? Forgiveness is an act that allows us to live in the present, instead of dwelling on the past. It removes our inward focus associated with an action, and frees us to be a child of God. Unforgiveness is poison, intended for another, that kills us instead.

There is a great teaching about forgiveness in the story of David, illustrating items 3, 4, 5 and 6 above, and it’s stuck in the heart of one of the most famous stories in the old testament. You might recall that after the tragedy at Ziklag, David reconciled with God, all was restored, and for a long period of time, David worshipped the Lord, and sought His guidance in all matters. During that time (see 2 Samuel chapters 1-10) David was successful in nearly all endeavors, including becoming King of Israel, defeating all of his major enemies, bringing the ark of the covenant to Jerusalem (after one failed attempt), and receiving an incredible promise from God

2 Samuel 7:16 – “Your house and your kingdom will endure forever before me; your throne will be established forever.”

I’m sure David was riding pretty high at this point. He was a handsome man, a great warrior and a successful leader. He was King of a great nation, his kingdom was secured from all major enemies, he was rich and popular beyond belief, and on top of everything else, he had God’s promise. And then, just when it looks like there might be a happy ending, David shows his human side.  He gets bored. There are no great conquests, and David is suffering the same malady that we suffer when we remove our focus from God, and place it on things. The things we have are only temporarily satisfying. Everything we attain loses its “new car smell,” and leaves us looking for the next thing. Things do not lead to contentment. David has taken his eye off God, and he makes the mistake that so many of us make. He begins to feel entitled, and he overreaches.

2 Samuel 11:1-4 - In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war, David sent Joab out with the king’s men and the whole Israelite army. They destroyed the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah. But David remained in Jerusalem. One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, “She is Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite.” Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her. Then she went back home.

David has everything a man could want, he is finally bored with war (it’s only 40 miles away), and he reaches for something that belongs to someone else. David has surely noticed Bathsheba before. He did not own binoculars. He’s at least 50 years old, and he probably does not have eagle eyes. How far can Bathsheba be situated from the palace? David has probably noticed her before. He may have planned this. This might not have been his first conquest of this type. However, let’s give David the benefit of the doubt. David has had his pleasure, and he probably isn’t worried about consequences. Unfortunately, deception and sin often leave an ugly trail.

2 Samuel 11:5 - The woman conceived and sent word to David, saying, “I am pregnant.”

Oh my... Now David has a problem. You see, Bathsheba’s husband is off at war, she’s pregnant, and word will get out. The servants are probably already gossiping. David thinks as quickly as possible, and in the panic of the moment, he comes up with a ridiculous plan.

2 Samuel 11:6 - So David sent this word to Joab: “Send me Uriah the Hittite.” And Joab sent him to David.

Now, let’s be clear on a few things. The text quickly glosses over Joab, but let me assure you that he is an intelligent man. The wheels are turning in his head. He knows exactly who Uriah is, he has seen David operate in the past, and he knows something is up. Rabbah is only 40 miles from Jerusalem, and Joab is the commander of the army. He may well have spies in the palace, and he probably knows full well what is going on. Joab is probably filing this away for later use. And, of course we know David is sending Uriah home, thinking he will sleep with his wife Bathsheba, and all will be well. She’ll give birth, and people will be convinced that her pregnancy was from her husband. 

Unfortunately, Uriah was a little more honorable than David.

2 Samuel 11:7-11 - When Uriah came to him, David asked him how Joab was, how the soldiers were and how the war was going. Then David said to Uriah, “Go down to your house and wash your feet.” So Uriah left the palace, and a gift from the king was sent after him. But Uriah slept at the entrance to the palace with all his master’s servants and did not go down to his house.

David was told, “Uriah did not go home.” So he asked Uriah, “Haven’t you just come from a military campaign? Why didn’t you go home?”

Uriah said to David, “The ark and Israel and Judah are staying in tents, and my commander Joab and my lord’s men are camped in the open country. How could I go to my house to eat and drink and make love to my wife? As surely as you live, I will not do such a thing!”

Undaunted, David decides a little alcohol will take care of the situation.

2 Samuel 11:12-13 - Then David said to him, “Stay here one more day, and tomorrow I will send you back.” So Uriah remained in Jerusalem that day and the next. At David’s invitation, he ate and drank with him, and David made him drunk. But in the evening Uriah went out to sleep on his mat among his master’s servants; he did not go home.

Things did not go David’s way, so he does what many desperate powerful men do. He has Uriah killed.

2 Samuel 11:14-17 - In the morning David wrote a letter to Joab and sent it with Uriah. In it he wrote, “Put Uriah out in front where the fighting is fiercest. Then withdraw from him so he will be struck down and die.”

So while Joab had the city under siege, he put Uriah at a place where he knew the strongest defenders were. When the men of the city came out and fought against Joab, some of the men in David’s army fell; moreover, Uriah the Hittite died.

That’s right, David committed adultery, and then added multiple murders to sweeten the deal. Of course, being the man that he was, David did the (cough) honorable thing.

2 Samuel 11:26-27 - When Uriah’s wife heard that her husband was dead, she mourned for him. After the time of mourning was over, David had her brought to his house, and she became his wife and bore him a son.

By the way… The mourning period was typically 7 days. Also, I’ve left out one important detail, and it’s the one that David also forgot. At the end of verse 27, we read

But the thing David had done displeased the Lord.

Now, if you think the Lord always acts swiftly, then think again. David has married Bathsheba, and she has bore him a son. Time has passed. David is probably thinking he’s gotten away with this, and that is why he is taken so off guard when the prophet Nathan visits him.

2 Samuel 12:1-6 - The Lord sent Nathan to David. When he came to him, he said, ‘There were two men in a certain town, one rich and the other poor. The rich man had a very large number of sheep and cattle, but the poor man had nothing except one little ewe lamb that he had bought. He raised it, and it grew up with him and his children. It shared his food, drank from his cup and even slept in his arms. It was like a daughter to him.

‘Now a traveler came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained from taking one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveler who had come to him. Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for the one who had come to him.’

David burned with anger against the man and said to Nathan, ‘As surely as the Lord lives, the man who did this must die! He must pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity.’

Wait for it… Nathan is about to lower the boom.

2 Samuel 12:7-14 - Then Nathan said to David, ‘You are the man! This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: “I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. I gave your master’s house to you, and your master’s wives into your arms. I gave you all Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more. Why did you despise the word of the Lord by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites. Now, therefore, the sword shall never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.”

‘This is what the Lord says: “Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity on you. Before your very eyes I will take your wives and give them to one who is close to you, and he will sleep with your wives in broad daylight. You did it in secret, but I will do this thing in broad daylight before all Israel.”’

Then David said to Nathan, ‘I have sinned against the Lord.’

Nathan replied, ‘The Lord has taken away your sin. You are not going to die. But because by doing this you have shown utter contempt for the Lord, the son born to you will die.’

Notice: Nathan tells David that he is forgiven, but

1. There are serious consequences that go far beyond the death of David’s and Bathsheba’s son.
2. God might have forgiven David, but He is not going to forget what happened. David’s punishment is a life-long punishment.

If you don’t think the rest of the punishment is severe, then think again. Some people read Nathan’s last statement in 2 Samuel 12:14 as meaning the death of the child is the punishment. Read it again. Nathan basically says, “You won’t die for your sin, but your son will.”

The calamity in David’s household is monstrous. One of his sons (Amnon) rapes his half-sister Tamar. Another (Absalom) burns with anger over this, plots the murder of his brother Amnon, and completes the task. David is so afflicted with pain and guilt that he is unable to take action in either of these matters, and this leads to further strife. Then Absalom conspires to overthrow David’s rule, and he sleeps with David’s concubines. David is forced into war against Absalom to save his kingdom, and then he suffers the remorse and calamity that befalls his entire family when Joab kills Absalom in battle.

Unfortunately, collateral damage is the biggest part of the punishment associated with our sin. David is forgiven, but the suffering and punishment is still present. God did not condone or approve what happened. God’s forgiveness took place before David admitted his sin. God’s forgiveness did not eliminate the consequences for David’s actions, and no one forgot what happened. In fact, we are still reading about it today…

I pray that you will find release from any guilt you have carried from not being able to forget, trust and renew relationships with those who have caused you great pain. Trust may or may not be renewed, and relationships may or may not be repaired. I pray that you realize that you can love those close to you, and those that have been placed at a distance. I pray that you will find the strength to forgive someone who has caused you pain, so that you can move forward with your life, live in the present, and enjoy God’s blessings for your life.